It's a disappointingly day for us. The vice-principle called to tell us what would be decided at our son's upcoming IEP meeting, and it does not include any of the goals that we think are important. At least she was forthright and did not lead us to believe that we would be consulted in a meaningful way.
After six months of back and forth, the school is more convinced than ever that our guy only got As and Bs at his previous school because of unreasonable pressure and bullying parenting (this is their explanation for his behavior, which includes quite a bit of crying and unusual facial expressions) and that it is in his best interest not to teach him grade level academics. It is straight-up discrimination based on neurological differences and we should probably be suing their posteriors, but I can't see that a law suit would make them change their minds. They would just be crappier to our guy.
We will try to minimize the damage by getting him some outside tutoring along with after school clubs and activities to try and offset the massive confidence drain that the school creates. We had hoped to bring about goals like learning and confidence building within the school, because it is actually taxing on the guy to have to do another whole round of learning outside the school. But ultimately, self doubt is more draining than any amount of work.
I wish I had my son's time machine so that I could set dial to the day on which we made the decision to move, and then play my former self today's conversation with the VP. If anyone who is reading this is thinking of moving with a child who has special needs, be sure your research is more through than ours. Don't be convinced by platitudes and protestations of modern thinking. Talk to local parents. See what they have to say. I have since done that and found that our case is not unusual. I wish I had done it earlier.